how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
