i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
