quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
