how can u be prego again
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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