Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
