that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
