CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
