I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
