I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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