i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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