My room smells like vodka and shame
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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