i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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