Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
