jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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