Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
