When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
