$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
