around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
