The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
