Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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