you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.