Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
