the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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