I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
