Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just pee around me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
