so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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