Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize