i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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