hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
