Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A bitchslap is in order.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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