I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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