Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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