***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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