Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
