Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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