Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
