I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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