My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
