I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
