Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
