smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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