I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
