im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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