Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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