he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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