I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need water and some morals
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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