I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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