Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
