I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
