Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
