Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I touched a dick in church today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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