Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
