I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize