I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I came so hard my ears popped.
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