Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
