we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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