My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
