I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
wow bdsm is so cute
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
