i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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