kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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