got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
