too bad you live with your parents still
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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