What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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