3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
