if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
