I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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