It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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