I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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