i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
