I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
