his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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