...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
