bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
