The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
