I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
